i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
