I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
