Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
