i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
