so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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