his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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