She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
