so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
