Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
