hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
