i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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