everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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