Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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