we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
