He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Drunk is a universal language darling
PANTIES FOUND
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