Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
