There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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