11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
