Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
