Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS