Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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