John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need moral support for this bender
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
