Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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