On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
vagina is talking i cant
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.