You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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