I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.