were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
