My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."