Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.