pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
