dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
