My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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