i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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