my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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