I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
