Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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