That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
