she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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