Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
