i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
