I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
