Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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