Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
