I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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