omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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