Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
