So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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