i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
