I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
