i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
