I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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