you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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