wrigley field is MILF paradise
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
