It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
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They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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