so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
