Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He passed out mid-signature
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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