my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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