If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
