I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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