Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
