im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
