you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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