In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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