i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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