Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
