I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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