He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
