sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
