His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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