So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
