i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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