How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
