I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
