y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
