She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
