I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
