I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
