I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
