just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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