Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
someone owes me an orgasm
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You pole danced in your parka.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
