his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
