I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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