My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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